First things first; body hair is natural on all genders. So if you’re here to read about me champion for getting rid of all of it or none of it you’ll have to look elsewhere. Whether you want to be hairless, hairy or somewhere in between is frankly no ones’ business other than your own and you should do whatever you prefer. Not what society, your partner, or that guy you check to see if he’s watching your Instagram stories prefers, but what you prefer.
I won’t lie, I was a little disheartened that so many female friends seemed confused to hear that I’ve never gotten a wax down there before. They were either grossed out, confused as to what I do in the summer (nothing, the answer is that I do nothing differently), or asked me what men thought of it. When it comes to men, I genuinely think they do not give two fucks to be honest. Also if you get to see my vagina and you have a problem with women having the natural condition that is body hair then you can promptly go fist yourself because my vagina is a utopia, with or without hair, and you would be BLESSED to have the pleasure of viewing.
Frankly I don’t really care if you disagree. You can write your rebuttal on your own blog. This is my blog I get to say whatever the fuck I want.
“Why are you doing this?” friends asked me when I told them that I, at 29 years old, was going to get my first Brazilian just to write about it. I wish I had an answer more comprehensive other than the fact that I did it because I thought it would be funny but here I am at my laptop, smooth as a dolphin writing about my experience getting my hoo-ha waxed. I am also writing this because prior to getting smooth AF I didn’t know what to expect and I suspect that other people who have never had the displeasure of a Brazilian wax also have questions.
So I had a Marie Kondo moment and thanked my downstairs hair and promptly said goodbye.
I’ll save you some time now, there are no before and after photos, just lots of photos of the space. But I can describe the before. Not as fun as a photo, I know, but way funnier; I keep it, as I like to say, retro down there. I clean it up occasionally, but never waxed. I have a designated razor for the area and usually clean up the bikini line while trimming up the rest. TBH and possibly TMI, I sometimes shave all of it just to mix it up however I do this rarely because I’m lazy.
Where did you go?
I went to The Pussy Shop (formerly known as Coalition Skin) on Homer Street in Gastown. I had never heard of the shop before and found it accidentally when I got lost in Gastown and I was intrigued by the name. Getting a Brazilian wax was one of those things on my bucket list (I know, it’s a weird but I wanted to know for myself) and discovering TPS seemed like serendipity because I have been contemplating on what to try next.
Waxing studios offering Brazilian waxes aren’t a new concept, however TPS won me over because of several factors:
What kind of wax do they use?
At TPS they use a hard wax from Australia. Normally when we think of waxing we think of wax that is ripped out via strips, however hard wax is more gentle on the skin. Hard wax hardens and shrink wraps around the hair shaft without adhering to the skin so what you’re doing is taking the hair but not that first layer of skin. This makes it optimal for those with ultra-sensitive skin.
Does it hurt?
Fuck yeah, it does. Anyone who says it doesn’t feel like anything at all are LIARS. But, I will say it doesn’t hurt as much as you think it will. I was expecting to be swearing up a storm like Steve Carrall in The 40 Year Old Virgin but it was more of a lot of heavy breathing and the occasional leg twitch. It’s hard to compare it to other painful things like getting a tattoo because the pain is unique. Certain parts are more painful than other however I would say the pain is manageable, especially if you have a good waxer. There should not be any pain after. I noticed a little bit of redness for a few hours afterwards but felt fine.
You can use a numbing cream or take Advil beforehand to help ease the pain, but since I can’t swallow pills I got to have the full experience. Lucky me.
Is it awkward?
You are Donald Duck-ing in front of a stranger who’s going to see it all but it helps to remind yourself that they see maybe up to a dozen bits a day and it’s their job to get all up in there. Also the gal I saw was Irish and kept talking about my “arsehole” and had long Cardi B-esque nails with a St. Patrick’s Day theme which was oddly comforting. (Her name is Hannah if anyone wants to request her, she was a blast.)
At TPS there are three positions you hold to ensure they can access the entire area; you on your back with your legs in a diamond position, you in a happy baby position, you on your side with one leg raised up towards your chest.
Do they take all of the hair?
If you’re looking to just clean up the outer size of a panty line then a bikini wax would be your best bet. If you want to get all of it (labia, ass crack and all) that would be a Brazilian. Anything in between a bikini and a Brazillian is often referred to as a French bikini.
Due to the growth cycle of hair some hairs are more stubborn than others. While they’ll take all of the hair, a stubborn few will remain. The more consistently you go, the longer you’ll stay smooth between sessions.
Did you just say “ass crack”?
Yep. They just slather that wax all up in there. Due to the nature of hard wax Hannah said that it’s fine to let the wax literally cover up your opening because it doesn’t adhere to skin. I also got to find out the fun way that your butthole is much more sensitive than your labia because the wax felt warmer on the skin there because it gets less exposure.
Ew, Vicki. Did you just say “butthole” on your blog?
Yeah. Did you miss the part where I said that it’s my blog and I can write whatever I want? It’s near the top if you want to read it again.
Plus if you’re going to get a Brazillian wax you may want to know what you’re about to put your butthole through. Also, we all have a butthole. Grow up.
What’s the aftercare?
Like I said, a little redness is normal, even a little bit of spot bleeding depending on how deeply rooted the hair is is normal. The 24 hours after a Brazilian wax your skin is the most sensitive and when you need to avoid working out and anything else that causes friction. We’re all thinking it, so I’ll just say it; that means no sex post wax for at least a day. You need to give your skin some time to essentially “close over” the small sections of skin that have been opened up post waxing. If you don’t let it heal properly you can cause whiteheads and ingrown hair. Not sexy and can cause red bumps and irritation. So if you have a hot date you’re prepping for, plan accordingly.
TPS did give me some post shave balm to apply to the area to help keep the skin in its best condition. It smells slightly peppermint-y and I like the idea of my vagina smelling like a freshly shaved man face.
Would you do it again?
I would probably do something along the lines of a custom bikini again. To be honest, it’s been a very long time where I have been completely hair free and I kept forgetting and being surprised by it. It didn’t quite feel like “me” however I did find being hair free in certain spots preferable.
The fine print: Nothing to disclose here. I paid for this service and with tip it was a little over $70. The Pussy Shop was kind enough to let me ask all of the questions as well as allowed me to take photos of the space.
Also thanks to all of y'all that just read over a thousand words about my dolphin like lower half. Y'all are the real MVPs.
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